17 August 2014

FREEDOM!

Once what I did wrong in my life is to accept you enter my house and my heart. You came and you judged all over it. You said mean sentences such as, "This is wrong, that is ugly, this is not good enough, and you never gonna make it." I was eager to be wanted by you so I put a hard effort to meet your expectations. But I was wrong. You did those mean things because you are very insecure about yourself but you reflect it towards people so they feel insecure about themselves. You need to criticize and let the-negative-you to others so you can feel great about yourself.

At first I was flattered by your attention. You did small things that makes me feel special. You often called whenever I am out of town, just to ask, "Where are you? What do you do there? Call me by the time you reach Bandung. Be safe." You comforted me and you made me feel.. safe. You motivated me to be more outgoing and to be socially approved. Sometimes you said that I am good, I am great, and I am the one who can give you a calm. And you showed me how fragile you are. Let me fix you.

But in the same time, you hurted me. I was so afraid but I couldn't let myself go because you were so intense. You called, you asked me out, you texted, and you easily got angry. You said, "Angry is one of the way to show love or compassion!" and I replied,"When I love someone, I don't want to talk with them in high pitch and bad temper. That's not a reason to do that!" You and your dark hidden agenda. Thank God on the day when you said you already in relationship with someone. You don't know how I relieved losing a burden on my shoulder. I realized I am free at last.

Thank you for coming to my life episode. I learned a lot to not to engaged with someone like you anymore. Thank you for making me being me like now, for better or worse. Sweet smell of freedom.